THIS WIDOW IS JUST FINE

Dear Franz,

My husband died almost two years ago. As many widowed people have learned, friends and acquaintances mean well but often say inappropriate things to those who are grieving, likely because they don't know a simple "I'm sorry for your loss" is all we usually need to hear. Now some of those well-meaning people have decided it is time I start dating.

How do I politely tell them that it is none of their business? When I explain I have no interest in dating, they typically tell me I'm "too young" not to date and presumably find love again. Some of these people get very passionate about my need to date, to the point where sometimes I end up feeling defensive or privately ending up in tears.

I wear my wedding rings, both because they are beautiful pieces of jewelry with a lot of personal meaning to me, and also as a symbol that I am most definitely not in the dating market. Some have even had the nerve to tell me I shouldn't wear my rings now, which is surely no one's business but mine as well. Should I ever decide to date in the future, it will be my decision and no one else's. How do I get folks to understand that until (or if) that should occur?


I wouldn't get too upset about that. It's just small talk.

People don't just say things like that out of the blue, I don't think. Because most people probably don't care what you do. I have to assume that you're divulging some type of information that lets on that you're feeling a little blue.

Are you constantly talking about being a widow?
Are you constantly talking about being in mourning?
Are you constantly talking about being bored? Lonely? Nowhere to go?

That kind of stuff?

That's kind of what I'm hearing.

In this case - people are just trying to think of what to say.

If you're really getting this advice unsolicited - and you have no need for it - Just do what you would do for any type of unsolicited advice:

Stare at the person without blinking for 5 to 10 seconds, depending on how offended you are. Then simply turn the other way and go on about your day.

That's pretty easy, isn't it? And that way you haven't said anything that you'd later regret.


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