Money Part 3

Dear Readers,

Ok. Here we go. I was sitting at a dinner recently with several friends. Most of them were noblesse, none of whom have ever had to sell off any properties - or even worse, rent out rooms as if they were a hotel. Therefore, I consider all of these friends "good with money". As entertainment, I brought up my project and they were all thrilled to lend support! And the first rule that we came up with was this:

DON'T TOUCH THE PRINCIPAL!

Yes, we all own stocks and estates that go up and down in value. But if you live off the money that your money makes - you cannot fail! We all grimaced at the plight of some nobel acquaintances of ours - not to mention 'celebrities' that have spent more than their principal: that is where they've all gone wrong. A certain someone that will remain nameless just had to sell off 20,000 hectacres - how embarrassing!

It seems so easy that I almost feel bad writing about it. If everyone would just do this than there would be no more financial crisises.

Also, we decided that every family is old as everyone else's. Even non-noblesse. And this is where the money comes from. Honour your ancestors and take care of what they've left you.

Ok? That's the golden rule. We decided. Princess Victoria of Sweden told me to tell all you readers that if you break this rule: You'll have HER to answer to! (Don't let the silk hat fool you!)

You have asked when.

Dear Readers,

I've been asked when I will have the Money issues ready.

I must tell you that I can say that I really don't know. You see. I was not ready for the popular demand. I can tell you everyday day there is something. For example I had to have lunch with friends yesterday. It was not good. I had the sole and found it disgusting. And on Monday I am getting a haircut. I do not work on Sunday at all. So please. Be patient and you will learn everything that I know about financial matters.

Tschüß!

Money Part 2

Dear Readers,

I am about ready to start answering these financial questions. Many of which I have deleted, but will try to paraphrase.

But first, I have to pay homage to someone I saw on television. She was giving financial advice on her show on American television and it both disturbed and awed me. Her name is Suze Orman. The reason that I know this information is that I wrote it down.

Let me first mention that the only reason I saw this show is that I was staying in a hotel and I couldn't find the remote control.

But Suze was incredible. I think that she should be a saint or at least beatified. She was so incredibly nice to these "people" who called her show. I still don't know if they were real or not. I sat there in bewilderment, listening to question after question. I thought: How is she doing this? How is she keeping calm? To me, it was a bit like trying to give birth control advice to rabbits. Yet, she was being so gentle.

Some things were flying over my head, like 401943 K or IRA something or other. At first I thought it was something about Irish terrorists. But what she was doing was trying to explain to them the "ins and outs" of investing money. Why they didn't have that taken care of - their investments, I still don't know. But these people also had credit cards that they didn't know how to pay for. And to me, that doesn't make sense. But then again, I don't really know how credit cards work. For example, how does one get one? For me, my financial person gave my assistant mine and told me that I could use it until the date on the front. To me that's simple and a questions I can answer right off the bat:

Q: How long is a credit card good for.

A: The date is printed on the front.

And I know they have to be paid, but - don't you just pay that from another account? To me that opens many questions: Can one get a credit card without being able to pay it? If so, then how does one pay it if they can't? What's the limit? I mean can a maid use it to buy a boat? I don't know. Surely there are limits for different types of people.

This is all confusing. I'm sure for all of us.

That is why I am going to clear up all these questions (and more) for you: Gentle Reader.

Money Part 1

Dear Readers,

Today I am coming to term with somethings that I have been quite ignoring.

For the past year, I guess - I've gotten many many questions about money. I've always just ignored them, as I thought they were a joke. Or maybe I just ignored them because I thought they were vulgar, I don't know.

Okay. I do have to admit that I was taken aback by the graphic nature of the questions: What's your advice to becoming wealthy? What your financial secrets are, etc. etc. At first, I really thought that it was people just asking these questions to make fun of me.

But I was at a restaurant last month - I never pay attention to the names of them, so I could not tell you which, but I was with my friend Madonna. At this time she had a male companion seated with us. Very young. Maybe 25. Could be a model. I asked her to ask him to leave as I didn't know him. She sighed, and we had basically a staring contest until she finally asked him to wait at X-. I guess I won. I would hope so. But we started talking about my advice column. People always ask me about it, it gets on my nerves. But I confessed to her about the money thing.

And she brought me to the understanding that people are really serious about this issue: Money. Where does it come from? How does one get much of it? She reminded me of all the people who don't have it and take jobs to get it.

After dinner when the waiter surprised us with a bottle of Louis XIII Remy (I still don't know why), I had an epiphany. I thought: this man is probably not doing this for fun. He is getting paid to be here.... He's doing it for money.

I had never even thought about that. Look around you and most people are performing various tasks: all for money!

And I realized that yes! People DO need my advice on the subject. I can ask around and see if any one I know knows! My assistant works with my ...person who gives me papers to sign! Surely he, I believe it is a he, knows something on the subject.

So, in conclusion. I will not ignore these money questions no longer! I will answer them! Together I will teach you!

Stay tuned for a special Financial Series!