The Von Merzenburg Fund for New Initiatives

Monday, March 15, 2010

Money, Part....


Unloading property doesn't have to be a humiliating experience. And it can be your financial gain. I've done it, and I want to do it again.

First there was a cabin in Switzerland that apparently needed major repair, and since we didn't feel like it, we sold it. Apparently I spent time there as a child with either my father or my mother. I never went there anyway, so I didn't notice it. I really prefer a loge, where you don't have to send a crew a week in advance to heat the place up and clean. Who wants to deal with that? I sure don't.

And currently, I am in a legal battle with my brother. I'm trying to sell a five story house in Manhattan. I have to say that I really don't like New York anymore. I find that 1. half the people I meet are starfuckers, whilst 2. the other half walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk. It makes me want to scream.

You see, my mother bought this property in the late sixties. She took me there as a baby to have a silkscreen made by Andy Warhol. Well, wouldn't you know - while we there he was shot! Shot by some crazed lesbian. I know it's bad to say, but - you should really read this woman's manifesto - it had me laughing like you could not believe! But I hate that, in the end, Andy never did my portrait. By the late seventies, everyone was having them done - and my mother wanted to no part of it. I wish I was more of a "rebellious teen", and would have told her to f off (as I finally got around to doing in the 90's.) Sometime I think of how good it would look over my guest bed in London, and I get so upset.

Well, while mother was in New York, she decided to stay for a while and learn English. Therefore, she bought Carrington Place on the Upper East Side. It really is pretty, prettier than the neighboring houses, but again I never go there.

So why do I want to sell it? Yes, the Beatrix III is being remodeled from stern to poop, but that is not the reason why. The reason why is that it is now worth 15 million dollars and mother put it in my name! And I don't go there! Hey. I've been working hard on this blog and I deserve a little down time - without any questions from the money man! Who can argue with that?

When my brother Felix loses in court, it's one less thing I have to worry about AND it's 15 million dollars in cash. It warms my heart when I think how much fun I am going to have when it's gone. I just think of a year on the Beatrix III - overly staffed for a change. Nobody does that anymore! And, I think it goes without saying: everybody deserves a little luxury now and then.

Now, I ask you again: who can argue with that?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Money Part V



Here is some positive advice that I can give to you all about money. This time I promise I won't go into any of the disturbing aspects - only fun things!

Vacations.

There are many ways to save money and vacation at the same time. The number one way is this: You have friends around the world, take advantage of it!

Chances are that someone you know has a little hideaway somewhere in the world and you just haven't noticed. Ask around, find out. I bet you you'll be surprised at some of what your friends have that you don't know about. Just last week, a friend of mine was surprised to know that I had a vacation spot in Haiti. (The key word is 'had'). We've known each other for twenty years and he had no idea. Actually I didn't either, until I received word that it had been destroyed by the tornado or the earthquake they had there. It had been my father's apparently, a gift from a servant no less. Born in Haiti, this servant, who I kind of remember, as I was told that he was black, was so devoted to my father - that he willed his beach front property that had been in his family for over a century! How moving is that? Apparently there was a problem, however, when my father had to relocate the extended family in order to build "Stefanshorst", the estate that was apparently destroyed. My father was so put off by the "broohaha" that the construction caused, and the "relocation", that he apparently only went there once. I just learned all of this from father's lawyer! Who knew. And anyway, I rarely like to go the Caribbean, due to the humidity.

But the point is, you never have to pay for a vacation rental or whatever. If there's somewhere I want to go in the world - I think first, "Ok - who do I know, that has a place in dot dot dot.....". That is, if I don't have a place there myself. And yes, I have many places hidden around the world - but not in every country! I'm not a sultan!!

Want to go on a cruise? Think to yourself, "Who do I know that sets sail in April", or May - or whatever the month you want. You don't have to rent an entire yacht yourself. And sometime, it can be nice sharing time with friends.

When I think on it, I spend less money when I am being hosted on a vacation, than I do in actual life! When someone is hosting you on vacation - there's nothing you have to take care of!

But always remember that you should reciprocate. That is, if you're not busy away on vacation!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Money, part IV

Dear people,

Learning about money has been no less than emotionally..violent, I would say. When I realised that nearly everything that everyone did was for money, I found it disturbing. I began to look at the world in a completely different way.

The people selling sausages on the street. They are not doing it for amusement. They are doing it for money. I tried to put myself in their shoes, but I couldn't. I got so far as to imagine myself in a paper hat, and then my knees buckled and I required assisting walking to the car. And when I looked up and saw Punjab (that is my driver, I don't know if that is his name but it really suits him), I imagined that he was also helping me for money and I passed out. I don't remember anything after that until I was awoken and reminded of my painting lesson. I'm learning to paint miniatures!

I went down to the salon where I have my lessons and saw my tutor waiting for me. I asked her if she waiting long, and she told me only 80 minutes or so. I was relieved that she hadn't had long to wait. Even if she had, she was surrounded by books and a harp, completely at her disposal.

I wanted to ask her if I was actually paying her for the lessons. But then I realised - of course, I must be. That was probably dumb. But then I asked her the real question: Would you still teach me lessons if I did not pay you. She seemed taken aback. I simply stared at her, as it was a straight forward question.

"I don't know." Was the answer I received.

I will have to think about wether or not I shall retain her if money is so important to her. I think I might have to, because apparently my assistant told me that he had a horrible time trying to find someone to teach me to paint miniatures.

So far, I've successfully painted a miniature of my dearly departed Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, King Charles. I really think it captures his sense of whimsy, as well as his dark side.

But getting back to my reconciliation with people, and their doing everything for money. Let me just say that it hasn't been easy. At first, of course, I was saddened. Oftentimes, debilitatingly depressed. I just imagined myself in all these various jobs. Behind a cash register, or with a chefs hat (I never thought they were ridiculous until I imagined myself with one). With a broom and mop bucket. But I learned what you have to do:

Ignore.

Just pretend as if they are not there. Do not look them in the eye. Look above them if you have to. Go about your business. Just think about yourself. YOU are the only one that matters, otherwise you would have to think about too may other people. There are over six billion people on this planet, and you cannot think about them all.

Not that I don't think about others. Tomorrow, I'm beginning a miniature for Catherine Deneuve.