The Von Merzenburg Fund for New Initiatives

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Happy? St. Patrick's Day


Dear Franz,

I was invited to a "St. Patrick's" party, and I was appalled. I am not Irish, and do NOT look it whatsoever. How do I let this person know that I don't appreciate being thought of as someone who celebrates anything Irish? 

Dear Reader, 

You can't. But if you're like me, you will call PBS and ask for a refund on your donation unless you receive a written promise that they will never ever show anything like that "Celtic Woman" again. That was just heart stopping. 

But be sympathetic. That is the most important thing. You have to be thankful that you are who you are. Can you imagine nearly starving to death because you thought that the only thing humans could eat were potatoes? That's what brought most of them here. An entire race of people, living on an island, surrounded by fish, and they thought all that they could eat were potatoes. And when the potatoes went bad, they truly believed that they had to travel thousands of miles across an ocean to find potatoes in the new world.  They now call this "the potato famine". 

Once they were here, they had uncontrollable amounts of children, appeared always to be drunk, and fought endlessly. Even after finding all the potatoes they could eat. I hate to print this, but this is something that can be verified by countless political cartoons from the late 19th century. 

Anyhow, just remember that tolerance is the key here. Jesus asked to care for the least among us, and during this lenten season, that's something we should not forget! 

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Let Me Entertain You!


Here's another reader question on entertaining at home. 

Liebe Franz,

When entertaining at home, do you have any after dinner entertainment suggestions? I go to so many parties and I see seem to see the same string quartet or local opera singers at every party. It REALLY gets annoying. I'm almost to the point that I hate Schubert.

Liebe Reader,

Well how about this: Just when your guests THINK they are sitting down for a long night with more paid Singspielers, surprise them! YOU can be the entertainment. You haven't spent years playing scales for nothing. And you should always be prepared with at least four pieces of different periods, baroque, classical, romantic, impressionistic...so you can always "mix it up". But make it personal. If your guests like early music, get that old family harpsichord out of the attic and form a little ensemble with your friends and family. Maybe they like twentieth century. My friend Elfriede Jelinek and I recently performed "A Flower" by John Cage after a dinner and it was an absolute smash. But whatever you choose to perform, be %110 prepared. You don't want to be embarrassed, thereby unnerving your guests. 

So, be the entertainer -  just do it:  It's much more personal and your guests will love you more for it! 


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's Today!


Dear Franz,

I'd love to host a dinner party, but I'm not quite sure just who to invite, or what to serve. Can you help?

Dear Reader,

Can I help? Of course! Let me tell you about my last dinner party, which, I'm sure was my best - and I do hate to toot my own horn. 

But take the guest list, for example. Always invite a varied, interesting group of people. That's the most important. Sit an astronaut next to an film star, a politician next to a prize winning activist. Recently my guests included Isabelle Huppert, Joschka Fischer, HRH Frederik André Henrik, and of course, my dear dear friend Björk.  Actually all you have to do is get Isabelle Huppert and Björk in the same room and it's a party. 

At dessert, I'd had an enormous Piece Montée made for just the occasion (highly recommended), and when the servants carried it into the room, complete with sparklers, Björk and Isabelle both let out this scream. The servants nearly dropped the entire croquembouche, and we could not stop laughing! HRH literally blew Kir Royale out of his nose!

So just remember, after they've forgotten details like the Veal Prince Orlaff, it's moments like those that count.  And maybe you don't think that, you too can through such a lavish party? You can. Save your pennies. Go without that new suit for a month or two. Put that new frock, or handbag on hold until you've met your budget. And ladies - it can never hurt to ask for a raise in that allowance (don't tell your husbands I said it!)

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Barefoot Beefstock


Dear Franz,

Today I was watching "Barefoot Contessa" and she recommended using homemade beef stock. Now, I know you don't usually answer food questions, but I don't know who else to ask. Also, I assume that you must know Ina Garten.

Dear Reader,

Why of course I know Ina! We've been friends off and on for years, and she's been begging me to be on her show, but I just can't do basic cable.

Anyway, I called her just for you, Reader, and here's her recipe:

1 6lb Prime Rib
16 oz White Truffle Butter (clarified)
16 oz Black Truffle Butter (I like the combination of the two)
1 lb carrots, diced
1 lb shallots, diced
1 lb celery
1 teaspoon XO Cognac (recommended: Meukow)
Fleur de Sel (recommended: Le Tresor)
Pepper

Marinate Prime Rib in black truffle butter, Fleur de Sel and pepper for 24 hours. Saute vegetables in clarified white truffle butter. Add Prime Rib. Add enough water to cover. Bring to a boil and simmer for 6 hours. Add cognac.
Discard Prime Rib remains. Strain and store in quart containers.

How easy is that?

Just slum it!

Dear Franz,

I saw Slumdog Millionaire and I loved it. I really would like to try "slumming it" myself. Do you have any tips? I'm kind of scared!

Dear Reader,

Slumming it can be a lot of fun! It's great for people watching. I can give you some tips, but be warned: Many of our nation's poor can be violent, so try not to stare too much at any one person. Especially if they're of the same gender.

During the day you can go to what are called "dollar stores". They're really a lot of fun, in a creepy way, and everything there really is only a dollar! You've undoubtably seen them around, usually their names have "Dollar" in there somewhere. Don't be afraid! You don't have to touch anything if you're not ready to, and the people there can be really hilarious. Make sure to look at the content combination in their baskets. The last time my friend Anoushka and I visited one of these places, she made the most keen observation. After looking around in silence, she took a deep breath and said, "This is what it must've been like in Ceausescu's Poland".....I got chills.

But if you do happen to feel up to it, buy something. Your friends won't believe you when you tell them! 

At nighttime, I would not recommend starting out going to "neighborhood bars" - which would be somewhat extreme and can be really emotionally difficult. Try starting out at "casual dining" establishments such as "Applebee's" and "TGI Fridays". You'd never believe what some people leave the house looking like, and sometimes the foodstuffs on their plates can even be more shocking! Oh, and the portion sizes can be literally breathtaking. But in the end, it's eye opening and you may feel changed at the end of the night. 

These are just a couple of things you can do, and, depending on your comfort level, there may be many more.