Money, part IV

Dear people,

Learning about money has been no less than emotionally..violent, I would say. When I realised that nearly everything that everyone did was for money, I found it disturbing. I began to look at the world in a completely different way.

The people selling sausages on the street. They are not doing it for amusement. They are doing it for money. I tried to put myself in their shoes, but I couldn't. I got so far as to imagine myself in a paper hat, and then my knees buckled and I required assisting walking to the car. And when I looked up and saw Punjab (that is my driver, I don't know if that is his name but it really suits him), I imagined that he was also helping me for money and I passed out. I don't remember anything after that until I was awoken and reminded of my painting lesson. I'm learning to paint miniatures!

I went down to the salon where I have my lessons and saw my tutor waiting for me. I asked her if she waiting long, and she told me only 80 minutes or so. I was relieved that she hadn't had long to wait. Even if she had, she was surrounded by books and a harp, completely at her disposal.

I wanted to ask her if I was actually paying her for the lessons. But then I realised - of course, I must be. That was probably dumb. But then I asked her the real question: Would you still teach me lessons if I did not pay you. She seemed taken aback. I simply stared at her, as it was a straight forward question.

"I don't know." Was the answer I received.

I will have to think about wether or not I shall retain her if money is so important to her. I think I might have to, because apparently my assistant told me that he had a horrible time trying to find someone to teach me to paint miniatures.

So far, I've successfully painted a miniature of my dearly departed Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, King Charles. I really think it captures his sense of whimsy, as well as his dark side.

But getting back to my reconciliation with people, and their doing everything for money. Let me just say that it hasn't been easy. At first, of course, I was saddened. Oftentimes, debilitatingly depressed. I just imagined myself in all these various jobs. Behind a cash register, or with a chefs hat (I never thought they were ridiculous until I imagined myself with one). With a broom and mop bucket. But I learned what you have to do:

Ignore.

Just pretend as if they are not there. Do not look them in the eye. Look above them if you have to. Go about your business. Just think about yourself. YOU are the only one that matters, otherwise you would have to think about too may other people. There are over six billion people on this planet, and you cannot think about them all.

Not that I don't think about others. Tomorrow, I'm beginning a miniature for Catherine Deneuve.