TEEN MOM

Dear Franz,

Our problem has many layers. Our 16-year-old son fathered a child. At this time, he does not have a relationship with the mother, who is also 16. We encouraged her to give the baby up for adoption but we were unsuccessful. The baby is now 3 months old and we have seen him a few Saturdays in a row for several hours. He seems to be a very good baby and has been no problem.

Here are our many dilemmas: Our son has no interest in parenting (he is not ready), we are in our late forties and not really interested in being new parents again either, the mother would like us to have the baby each weekend from 1 p.m. to 8 p.m. both Saturday and Sunday.

I can already feel resentment building. My husband and I don’t want to spend our entire weekend caring for a child. I need to unwind and get things done around the house and we are enjoying some freedom with a son who is almost an adult.

I know it is not the baby’s fault and I am not frustrated with him. My son obviously made an error in judgment and we are all paying the price. I feel like I probably can handle one day a week and we are trying to set a good example for our son by being responsible. We feel that our son eventually needs to step up and be a father to this child, but I am concerned that if we force him to take care of his son, then he will resent his child.

What do you think? Should we continue to care for our grandchild on the weekends, or is this something our son needs to do? — Grandma too early


Dear Grandma,

Your problem does have many layers!

1. You failed at parenting when your teenager impregnated another teenager.
2. Your son is now failing at parenting.
3. The girl had the baby - major fail.

What a mess! There were so many missed opportunities to sweep this problem under the rug, and now nobody knows what to do... That's fantastic.

What is wrong with you people? And what do you mean "encouraged" adoption?

You just simply encouraged it? Are the words "force" or "trick" not part of your vocabulary?

The fact that your son knocked a girl up is partially your fault. That's all there is to it. You messed up your own life. Now your weekends are ruined and there's this baby to deal with.

If you really want to keep your weekends free, this is what I recommend:

Ask the other family how much they want. Most likely, that's what they've been after this entire time. Tell them it has to be a lump sum - no payments! Get it over with. Make it legal. With this lump sum, you're out of the picture completely - and they take care of everything. Make sure that baby doesn't have your child's name either - otherwise there's no point.

After that's over and all ties are severed - make absolutely sure you send your son to some kind of detention center or military school for as long as he's allowed to be there. He's an idiot and deserves to be punished - and severely. The teen mom and her family are also in need of severe, severe punishment - but there's nothing you can do about that, unfortunately. (It's a shame, I know.)

And after that - then you can relax. Pretend it never happened. That's the only thing you can do to get on with your life.....


Remember that if you ever find yourself responsible for children - you can find fantastic childcare advice in my book - Dear Franz, Advice for Everyman from the Duke of Merzenburg!