The Von Merzenburg Fund for New Initiatives

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I WASTED MY BEST YEARS. NOW WHAT?

Dear Franz,

After 24 years of a committed relationship with my boyfriend, "Jesse" -- who I thought was my knight in shining armor -- I have decided to end it because he doesn't want to marry me or have children with me. We're in our 40s now and have dated since high school. We don't live together.
If I leave Jesse, I know I'll be broken-hearted, but there's another man, "Pete," I have known almost my entire life, who has made it clear he'd like to be more than friends. I have recently found myself becoming more and more attracted to him.
Should I allow the friendship with Pete to develop into an intimate one, or could it spell disaster?


Oh my God. That's depressing!

Are you sure that you weren't stalking this person for 24 years? Are you sure that you were really in a committed relationship? For some reason, I have to think that this was all in your head - for 24 years no less. It makes sense that I think that - doesn't it?

The only words of comfort I have for you: I hope that you were very,very,very happy living in a dreamworld this entire time. Because if you were happy and had no idea that this was never going to work out - then it's okay. All that matters is, is that you have or had fun. Know that you probably have to move on.

As for your friend "Pete" - go for it!

But make sure to wake yourself up (slap some cold water on your face) and try to use some "intuition" to figure out if he wants what you want: marriage and children. Which to me, it sounds like it may be too late for both - but women's ovaries are all different. Yours may still be alive, I don't know. Only a scientist can determine that.

However. I have to admit that, considering your past - you're probably living in a dream world with "Pete" as well. So don't get your hopes up. I admit I don't have a good feeling about it.

I don't know what your economic status is either.

If you have money - try being a philanthropist or something like that. It should keep you busy and you may meet someone worthwhile in the process. Probably not, but it will keep your busy - and it will keep your mind off of the last 24 years that you wasted.

If you aren't wealthy - as I've realized that a number of people who write to me are not - then start breeding cats and learning how to knit. Neither costs too much! Because if you don't start knitting now, then in a couple of years your motor skills may prevent you from learning how. You're not getting any younger! Anything to take your mind off the last 24 years. That's what's important!

In any case - ENJOY middle age. Your twilight years will be here before you know it!



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