Divorce can be a good thing, or a humiliating degrading experience....

My assistant recently told me that a reader blamed me for her divorce. I don't believe that for a second. My advice holds marriages together, or at least keeps them from finding out each others infidelities. Which, if that is the case and the reader was found out to be having an affair, then it is her fault.

But I imagine she would like for me to say a few words about divorce. I'll do that:

Divorce can be different for different people. I know, because people have told me.

For some people divorce can be a difficult, humiliating and degrading experience. It can bankrupt you financially as well as emotionally and it can ruin your reputation. It can alienate you from all the friends and family you've come to know. Basically it can ruin you and turn you into a social outcast. It can cast you as someone who has been blatantly rejected. For example, when Brad Pitt divorced Jennifer Anniston, I think the whole world must have thought, "Well, I wonder what she did wrong?" I know I did.

For other people, divorce can be a liberating experience. Especially if you'd planned ahead and invested in a quality lawyer who specializes in prenuptial agreements. When you come out of the marriage ahead, you've won. And believe me, your friends will stick with you more likely than they will with your ex-mate (who lost): everybody loves a winner! I assume the woman who said I wrecked her marriage isn't in this category. Otherwise, she wouldn't complain.

But every case of divorce requires one thing: a time of seclusion. Or at least the appearance of one. That means that you announce you are going into seclusion, but you don't have to. Just go to a different continent for at least one year. You can have all the fun you want in the world. But you'll just have to cut yourself off from your usual social circles and at all costs avoid being photographed if possible. It really is a small price to pay for your place back with the "in crowd". And when you come back, you must assume the air of quiet dignity (that means never show your teeth, even when smiling..) for six months. After six months host a party or a ball, and everything should be back to normal. At least that's how it goes with divorced people with whom I still associate.

Either way, you'll get past it. Perhaps you'll find a new, perhaps better husband. Perhaps you'll finally find one your age, where you won't fear going to bed together every night. Something that few people I know have.