Leave Child Rearing to Professionals

Dear Franz,

What if two people work great as partners but not as co-parents? My husband and I have a fantastic relationship that goes back 15 years, but we cannot seem to get it together when it comes to parenting our 10-year-old son, “Ethan.” We disagree on everything from where Ethan should go to school, to whether it’s OK to spank Ethan (lightly), to how much fast food Ethan can consume in a month before we’re bad parents. Worse, we feel equally strongly about our opposite viewpoints on just about everything, so nearly once a week we have these knock-down, drag-out fights that lead nowhere, and the choices ultimately fall to Ethan himself. It has been suggested that we take parenting classes, but we’re both positive the classes would just confirm our personal stances. Meanwhile Ethan is stuck in a school that’s no one’s first choice, getting away with things right and left because no one wants to resort to discipline without agreeing on it first.

Wow. It sounds like someone should have been taking her birth control pills, but has forgotten! My Goodness!

Well, first let me answer your questions:

1. Boarding School
2. Why would one not spank a child? I don't understand you.
3. Don't ever eat fast food. Never.

Why are those things hard to agree on? I don't understand. You and your spouse have been having all these problems, and it took me barely two seconds to come up with a solution. I truly believe I would make the best parent. Perhaps I should consider adoption. I guess nowadays Japan is the place to adopt, which is good, because I do think Japanese children are precious. Was Japan even on my last "Top 10 Hot Adoption Spots"? I don't know. (I think I need to update that list!)

But Reader, your first step is Boarding School. I know that many people who've chosen to bring pregnancies to term, nowadays tend to want to "Raise their children at home". When did that become the thing to do? Hold the line! Are people so bored nowadays that they feel they have to watch their own children and put them to bed every single night? Play games together? I have to think that that level of boredom may require some kind of psychological help. But alas, to each his own. Which brings me back to Boarding School. Here most of your problems are solved in one fell swoop, and you and your husband can finally get your lives back; start living again....Won't that be a sigh of relief? I know it will be.

As far as the other times when you must be together as a family. Please don't fret. Agree to let the child do what he or she wants. Know that the discipline and the education belongs to the professionals and the help. I know that's the way I was raised. And even though I wasn't given everything that I wanted as a child, I would say that part of what makes me me! And who am I? Someone that many, many people would like to be. I tell you!