ENGAGED AGAIN?

Dear Franz,

What is the appropriate waiting period after a contentious divorce to announce engagement to another?


Never.

That means, nobody wants to hear about an engagement of someone who just went through a contentious divorce. Why would anybody want to know about that? All you would be doing is letting people know that they're just a couple years away from hearing about yet another one of your "contentious divorces." Big fun!

Just announce the wedding. That way - nobody can say anything about it because it's already said and done.

For example......here are the different responses you would receive:

On your engagement: "Oh my Lord...."

On your marriage: "Oh my!"

If you're ever in the situation to announce something, and you think there's the chance that someone will try to talk you out of it - just make the announcement at the last minute.

Want to buy a car and think someone will talk you out of it? Buy it - then announce it.

Pregnant and think someone will talk you out of it? Wait until fetal viability - then announce it.

And so on and so forth!


And don't forget all the marriage and divorce ideas from my eBook, now available at Amazon.com!

CAN I MAKE IT UP TO MY CHILDREN?

Dear Franz,

Seventeen years ago I divorced the mother of my four children. After a heated divorce lasting several months, we agreed on things and split up legally. Throughout the proceedings my wife used my children as weapons against me, and I spent the next several years listening to insult after insult from my children, driven from their mother. Under no circumstances will I paint the picture that I was the perfect angel, but I never expected or deserved what I got from them. I've tried everything to get our relationships mended, I've really bended over backwards, but I don't seem to get the response I'd like.


Dear Reader,

Too late!

Seventeen years ago? And YOU divorced the mother of your children? And you admit that you weren't the "perfect angel?" I would have to admit that "not the perfect angel" sounds to me like it would have to mean something worse than we can ever, ever imagine.

And Reader. Children are young and impressionable. It's not hard to win their confidence. They're extremely vulnerable as well. So saying that your ex used your children as a weapon is really a very poor excuse. That just means you didn't even try. Because how difficult is it to win over a child? Not hard. Because if you weren't "the perfect angel," then you have got to remember that just remembering Birthdays and Christmas is not hardly even close to enough. You really have to go nuts on the gifts to make up for whatever it is you did. Apparently you didn't do this. You should have done that from year one, not 17 years later!

Idiot.

So what can you do now? Not much. It was your decision to begin with. But before you move on, try one last thing. Be very frank about your will. Let them know what they'll be missing if they don't want a relationship with you. If that doesn't work, why not find a new hobby or friends with similar interests. There are a million other things you can do on this earth to fill up your remaining years. Find something you enjoy doing! Even those who aren't "perfect angels" deserve that too!


And remember - if you'd like even MORE advice on children, marriage and divorce - don't forget the book: Dear Franz, Advice for Everyman from the Duke of Merzenburg - now available on Amazon.com!

Divorce can be a good thing, or a humiliating degrading experience....

My assistant recently told me that a reader blamed me for her divorce. I don't believe that for a second. My advice holds marriages together, or at least keeps them from finding out each others infidelities. Which, if that is the case and the reader was found out to be having an affair, then it is her fault.

But I imagine she would like for me to say a few words about divorce. I'll do that:

Divorce can be different for different people. I know, because people have told me.

For some people divorce can be a difficult, humiliating and degrading experience. It can bankrupt you financially as well as emotionally and it can ruin your reputation. It can alienate you from all the friends and family you've come to know. Basically it can ruin you and turn you into a social outcast. It can cast you as someone who has been blatantly rejected. For example, when Brad Pitt divorced Jennifer Anniston, I think the whole world must have thought, "Well, I wonder what she did wrong?" I know I did.

For other people, divorce can be a liberating experience. Especially if you'd planned ahead and invested in a quality lawyer who specializes in prenuptial agreements. When you come out of the marriage ahead, you've won. And believe me, your friends will stick with you more likely than they will with your ex-mate (who lost): everybody loves a winner! I assume the woman who said I wrecked her marriage isn't in this category. Otherwise, she wouldn't complain.

But every case of divorce requires one thing: a time of seclusion. Or at least the appearance of one. That means that you announce you are going into seclusion, but you don't have to. Just go to a different continent for at least one year. You can have all the fun you want in the world. But you'll just have to cut yourself off from your usual social circles and at all costs avoid being photographed if possible. It really is a small price to pay for your place back with the "in crowd". And when you come back, you must assume the air of quiet dignity (that means never show your teeth, even when smiling..) for six months. After six months host a party or a ball, and everything should be back to normal. At least that's how it goes with divorced people with whom I still associate.

Either way, you'll get past it. Perhaps you'll find a new, perhaps better husband. Perhaps you'll finally find one your age, where you won't fear going to bed together every night. Something that few people I know have.