THIS WOMAN IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER STEPSON!!

Dear Franz,

I married “Raymond” in 2004.I met his son, “Bill,”a year before the wedding and have been in a relationship with him ever since. (He’s married.)

Raymond provides all the necessities —house, car, food, clothes, etc. But Bill supports me emotionally.

I have learned that marriages dissolve for one of two reasons: money or sex. The money is there, but Raymond and I are no longer romantic.

Am I walking into a ring of fire by keeping the relationship with Bill? Ray says he loves me and cares about me, but only when I ask how he feels about me. With Bill, I don’t have to ask—he says it.


Are you walking into a ring of fire??! Is that a serious question?

You're a filthy whore who already has her place in hell secured. Believe me. You'll definitely be in that ring of fire for all eternity - simply for grossing out me and all my readers.

Reading your letter gave me the creeps - to put it mildly, so I can't imagine what your husband will go through when he finds out. And he will! It really doesn't matter that Bill says he loves you. What's important is is that you're a whore and a slut who is really going to have be put through the ringer when everyone finds out about this. And let me tell you - "Bill's" love will not provide you any comfort when people are shouting out "whore" "skank" and "slut" as you walk through Wal-mart.

You will rue the day you got yourself in this mess.

So what's the solution?

First of all - do NOT kill either of them. It will just make things worse, and you'll end up in prison. Though you should be in some kind of prison right now. I know what's on your mind right now - and since you have no morals, I have to warn you - don't do it!

Second - divorce "Raymond QUIETLY as possible.
Third - end it with Bill. Not third, but immediately.
Fourth - immediately find a new husband to associate yourself with someone else. As soon as possible.
Finally - deny everything that happened. Until the day you die. At least it gives you the appearance of a little shame.

Ugh...

Ewww!!

DISGRACED WOMAN MUST BEG FOR FORGIVENESS

Dear Franz,

My friend, "Katherine," had been unhappily married for several years, met a man in a bar and began having a casual affair with him. She was not very discreet about it - carrying condoms in her purse and leaving her BlackBerry out with e-mails from the man on it. Her husband found out and left her.

They are now going through a difficult divorce. Her ex does not want to help her out financially - he has a high-paying job and she makes very little - they have a young son who is having a terrible time dealing with it, and she is literally falling apart. She has always been overly thin, suggesting an eating disorder, and now she is much more so. She is also taking a ton of anti-anxiety medication.

She is heavily leaning on me for help, and I (a) don't know how to help her and (b) have some anger toward her for putting herself in this situation. I told her the affair was a really bad idea and that she could not financially or emotionally afford divorce.

Dear Reader,

If she didn't have a child, she could probably find another man, possibly with an even larger income. But coupled with the fact that she met the man in a bar, it really makes her even more unmarketable. Be that as it may, I have some advice:

1. Beg him to take her back. Even if she doesn't mean it and it's humiliating for her - it's the only thing she can do to save herself financially.
2. Go to spa for a couple of months. That should relieve some of the stress and give the impression that she is trying to get her act together.
3. WHEN they are back together, she needs to better utilise his salary and make sure she makes some investments of her own. (Perhaps she suffers from nymphomania and will start screwing around again - one never knows - cover all bases!)

I think the most important lesson here is the importance of a pre-nuptial agreement. If she would've invested in a good lawyer before the wedding, none of this would be a problem.

But the one silver lining is your friend's dramatic weight loss. Many people gain enormous amounts of weight during times of stress so she should really consider herself lucky. A temporary "pick up" for your friend would be a new wardrobe for her stunningly slim new figure. Assuming they are still married, her husband is still responsible for any debt that accrues, so tell her to spend what she wants - to do something good for herself.

Well.... I consider that another marriage saved. It really is a wonderful feeling to help!