PRINCE ALBERT AND CHARLENE WITSTOCK'S WEDDING: BORED!!

It sure seems like it's been a busy summer!

So many parties and events - I'm going to be as big as a barn before you know it. I don't look forward to all the time I'm going to have to spend at the colonic spa. Yuck!

But yes. This weekend was the wedding of Prince Albert to the model.

I've been deluged by emails asking me for details of the wedding. So let me tell you!

We were disappointed. Nothing really went wrong and Princess Charlene (does that even sound right?) played it safe with her fashion choices. Yawn! I did love the cake, however!

There was an eerie atmosphere as well. Perhaps as many as half of the guests (male and female) were once lovers of Prince Albert, so that may have been part of it. Most people pretty much knew, exactly to whom Prince Albert had done it and they all kept giving each other looks, like - "Can you believe we're here?" To which, I would interject - yes! You're here! I guess they just thought that they had to see it for themselves.

Princess Maxima and I sat our table and pointed out each lover as they went by - and tried to put them in order. That's how bored we were! We argued quite a bit about it! She knew names that I didn't and I knew a lot more that she didn't. It was quite fun actually. When we finally got our fill of our little game, we went around and showed our friends the list to see if we were correct. And wouldn't you know it? We were pretty much spot on. A lot of people were shocked at the list we came up with and requested copies. We were about to ask one of the waiters to make copies, but then we thought we should wait until the wedding was over. We didn't want it to get to the bride. Regardless of her motivations, it IS her special day.

(I said we would send copies in the mail or post it online.)

But at the end of the day, it was just another wedding. Just another one of our friends marrying a commoner.

What is WITH that? We were talking, and I think that it's going to have to stop soon. It's just something that the public doesn't want to see. I said that the people don't think it's a "real" royal wedding if both the bride and groom aren't noblesse. It's just not as "special" for the public. Don't you agree?

And P.S. Don't forget to buy the book - "Dear Franz" now available on Amazon. It's for your little Kindles, or iPad or whatever. You can even download Kindle for PC or Kindle for Mac! Don't forget!!

Ok, the wedding...

I'm writing this to you before getting ready to go to the Met Gala in New York. I think I hate New York and I never know what this party is even for! I think it has something to do with the paintings I have on loan - WHICH be off to Vienna and Berlin soon!

Anyway, according to my assistant, my email box has been exploding from the millions of you wanting to know about my experience to the royal wedding on Friday. I had to think twice about it because Kate Middleton came up to me and said, "You're going to be nice, aren't you?"

When am I ever not nice?

Anyhow, I can never say anything cruel about someone who looked so fantastic. Shout out to the Duchess of Cambridge - I hope you are enjoying your honeymoon in Australia! (Am I not supposed to say where?)

It was a wonderful occasion. Everyone saw the royal mass or whatever the protestants call it. But here are some of the behind-the-scene antics!

1. Maxima was very good and did NOT pass out as was reported by The Mirror. However, yes - there was a little too much Kir Royale to go around! And Maxima was not invited to the reception at Buckingham Palace anyway, so I don't think that that is such a great accomplishment Max! LOL

2. Letizia did not induce vomiting the entire day!

3. Queen Marguerite is still always bumming cigarettes from anyone she sees smoking. Knowing this, Maxima and I set up a bit of fun! We both pretended to smoke (though we don't in England normally)... This is at Buckingham before being "bussed" (that was so embarrassing!) to the protestant church. We purposely had a "funny" cigarette in there, just "in case". And wouldn't you know it - Marge took the bait! It was sooooo funny! She was singing so loud at the ceremony that it was just a riot. I tried to get the attention of one of the TV people's microphone. I thought, "Someone HAS to record this! O, Christ!"...
I feel bad, because perhaps the pot was a little strong. She kept staring at Princess Beatrice's hat, asking how it was "suspending in mid-air".

4. Speaking of Beatrice, I spent a lot of time with her and her sister Eugenie (that name sounds better pronounced in German), because 1. Maxima was not invited and 2. Their mother was not invited and I was dying to know what she was doing that day and it took me hours to find out. Turns out she was in California. Who cares right? So I was quoted in some publication saying that she was at a pub in East London crying - I was just kidding and did NOT expect to be quoted. I don't think that's fair. Sarah is a fun person who can lose weight fast, when she wants.
Anyhow, it was fun to know that those two gals can really party like "mummy". That made me happy.

5. The last thing I remember was, as we were leaving, I was with Twiggy and we were trying to pay the band to come with us to have a private party at the hotel where many of us were staying. They seemed scared and refused.


In other words, a good time was had by all. I'm looking forward what Prince Albert will do in Monaco this summer. His fiance kept saying "Just you WAIT" anytime someone would say anything nice about William and Kate's wedding....so it should be very interesting - I'll be waiting "Princess Charlene"! LOL...

Well, on to the stupid Met! Bye Bye!