Shopping for Toiletries!!

Dear People,

Berlin.

My first day without help, I found myself in the most humiliating situation imaginable: In the bathroom without toilet paper.

Yes. Now I am divulging my deepest secrets.

I won't go into details, but I found myself without any help. I screamed, and no one was there. I won't go into how I got out of this situation, but I did. So I took stock of what I needed for the bathroom and decided that I needed to go shopping immediately.

In a droggerie I found myself. And with luck I immediately found the toilet paper. I thought - ok. I will just buy that. One thing at a time. And toothpaste. I can manage toothpaste.

So I picked up a giant pack of toilet paper. I didn't know what brand I should purchase. There were many - I was just hoping that it was a quality product. It was covered in plastic wrap, therefore I couldn't feel it.

Anyhow. With my "toilet paper" in hand.... I hate that phrase. Even "bathroom tissue" implies what its use is. But with toilet paper in hand, I walked to the cash register. I started to hyperventilate. For some reason I just thought that everyone was looking at me and what I was about to buy. People buy toilet paper for only one reason - and no one should really be confronted with that reason. "Oh look, what he's about to do!"

I thought to myself: Ok. People buy this everyday, I'm sure. It's a necessity. But come on. I know that if I saw someone walking down the street with a package of toilet paper - I would laugh. I don't need to know that someone is in need of toilet paper.. Ugh.

But just then - I saw another woman walking out of the store with her package of toilet paper. She didn't seem to be embarrassed at all. I guess she does it all the time, I don't know. She looked silly, but hey.

I took a deep breath. Held my head very high, and walked right to the counter. The woman scanned my toilet paper and toothpaste and told me the price. I don't remember how much it was. But I told her to keep the change and I walked briskly out of the store. Outside, I did my best to hide this giant bag and I was fuming. Can they not make the packaging more discreet? Why does it have to be in clear plastic? That's just revolting. Fortunately my car was double parked outside of the door of the establishment and I didn't have to go far.

So that was day one of shopping. I got home and managed to unpack to the toilet paper and toothpaste myself. I put the roll on the toilet paper stand - stood back, and admired what I had done. Bravo. I read one time that - you really appreciate things when you do them yourself. And you know what? I believe it.

I saw many items at this store that I wouldn't want to have to purchase myself. Tampons in particular. Can you imagine? That just says to everyone around you: I am bleeding and need this product to make it stop. Or even mouth wash. I use it - but I've never bought it. I can imagine the cashier woman would think "He must have horrible breath. How embarrassing.".. I don't know.

Yes, you can accuse me of perhaps living in a bubble. But I'm breaking out! Next time I going to bring some friends with me and we can try shopping for these things together! Donatella - you're coming with me!! And let's make it around the 10th of the month!!!! Haha...