This Lenten Season...

I love Lent. In German we call it "Fasting Times" and I look forward to it every year. A chance to begin anew; a chance to cleanse our souls as well as all 1,5 meters of our colons.

I'll get back to your always banal questions, very shortly. But in the meantime, let me tell you where I've been! Not that I have to tell you: I was at Karneval in Rio! For me, (and of course, my sidekicks Donatella and Maxima), that means weeks and weeks of parties to gear ourselves up of six weeks of solemn fasting. I remember almost nothing, and fortunately neither do my friends. Which makes repenting for our "sins" very much easier. What I do remember, I certainly won't tell. Usually I love to tell embarrassing stories about my friends, the crown heads of Europe and Hollywood stars who want to "hang" with us - but this time, I can't think of anything that I wasn't a part of.

But be that as it may, the point here is fasting.

I think we all like Lenten fasting because no one has to admit that they're on diets. It's much easier to refuse invitations and banquets when one can say, "It's Lent, and I can't". No one can argue with you! But the festivities in Lent are few and far between anyhow as most of the party givers are on Cures and are at spas. Which is where I am now, at a spa on the Dead Sea. Apparently things in the Middle East are very dangerous right now, but nobody told me that and I'm already here. You think somebody would've said something. I don't know what's "going on", but there have been power outages.

Moving on, I wanted to say that on behalf of almost everyone that I know, I'd like to thank Prince William of England for planning his wedding so that it lies only days after the Lenten season is over. We all look forward to being there, fresh and glowing from six week of liquid diets and high colonics. Speaking of that, it does almost seem to be a contest ever year - who can loose the most weight during Lent. It's kind of like whoever looses the most weight is the holiest. Last year, Princess Letizia was practically a skeleton, she could hardly walk - yet she seemed to have glow about her: a Halo if you will. I think the Lord really rewarded her. This year, Princess Mary of Denmark says this year it will be her. She says we'll be able to see her "breast plate" at the wedding. Ok. But as Jesus Christ or someone in the Holy Bible said, "seeing is believing".

So to all the hundreds of millions of you (if not billions) reading this right now, I wish you the best of luck on your Lenten vows. Get behind thee Satan!