Dear Franz,
I have chosen to stay at home to raise my children despite having an advanced degree. I have found that this is a very unpopular decision and avoid mentioning it when possible, as others immediately assume that I am incapable of saying anything of interest on any topic.
Some individuals go a step further and expect me to defend my decision. Unfortunately, the reasons are such that I don’t wish to air them in public. Recently a dining companion addressed the issue thusly: “I can’t imagine what I would do with myself if I were home full time. How do you manage to keep yourself occupied?”
The demands at home are such that I have relatively little unencumbered time, and it is difficult to schedule it in advance, so I don’t have a major hobby. What interests I do have are not pursued with the intensity that would be expected for a lady of leisure.
Is there a polite way to finesse the subject so as to make my admission and move on, or do I just have to accept this as the natural fallout of my choice?
I think that's all in your head. MOST people I know with advanced degrees (like me) also choose to "stay home." Though I have no children, I do have a pet that I care for and who means everything to me.
I've often given the advice to make up a title for yourself. Start a foundation and say that you run it. Many people do that, and people are impressed.
I tried to do that - but when people ask me the details of my "Franz Foundation" I just go cross eyed with boredom and can't bring myself to even pretend that I care. Many people are different though! Maybe you really care for my foundation. (Boring!)
I just try to be real - I have no one to impress, so I just tell the truth. "How do you keep yourself busy?" Is not a question that I care to think about. But when people ask - I just tell them the truth. "I was onboard Beatrix III for the last three months, I was at weightloss spa the previous two months. Before that, of course was a party bender that lasted 3 months (thus the need for the spa).." What's there to be embarrassed about?
I don't have to lie and say that I was at some anti-landmine rally. For me personally, I wouldn't want to hear about that anyway. I don't like to hear about pain and misery - I know it exists, but what's the point in knowing about it? Life is so short!
Anyway - I hope I'm not getting off the subject. The point is, I don't care what you do - and neither should you. Perhaps since you get so worked up about what other people think - you're really actually bored....
Why not go on a trip somewhere and get your minds of things? Take a lover or something. I don't know. Just make sure you don't let what other people think bother you so much.. You'll definitely start to feel better about yourself and sound less bored, passive-aggressive and bitter.
