New Recipe!

I told you that I would include recipes dear to my heart...Jazz up your tired old baked brie with this easy recipe!

Pastry-Wrapped Baked Brie with Truffled Crabmeat Filling

Recipe courtesy Franz Herzog von und zu Merkenburg, 2010

Prep Time:

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Inactive Prep Time:

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Cook Time:

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Level:

Easy

Serves:

6 to 8 servings

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 tablespoons clarified white truffle butter
• 2 tablespoons minced shallots
• 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
• 4 ounces wild mushrooms, stems removed, wiped clean and roughly chopped
• 1 cup lump crabmeat (about 1/3 pound), picked over for cartilage and shells
• 1/4 teaspoon fleur-de-sel
• Pinch cayenne
• 2 tablespoons minced green onions
• 1 tablespoon minced parsley
• 1/2 teaspoon good truffle oil
• 2 ounces goat cheese, crumbled
• 2 sheets frozen puff pastry, preferably homemade
• 1 (1-pound) round Brie cheese
• 1 large egg, beaten with 2 teaspoons water for egg wash
• 1 bunch watercress, tough stems removed, rinsed and spun dry
• Toast points, crackers, or croutons, accompaniment (preferably homemade)

Directions

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F.

In a skillet, melt the butter over medium-high heat. Add the shallots and garlic and cook, stirring, until soft and fragrant, 1 to 2 minutes. Add the mushrooms and cook until they give off their liquid and start to color, about 4 minutes. Add the crabmeat, Essence, salt, and cayenne and cook, stirring, for 1 minute. Add the green onions and parsley and cook for 1 minute. Remove from the heat and stir in the truffle oil. Let cool and fold in the goat cheese. Adjust the seasoning to taste.

Roll out each sheet of pastry slightly, and cut each piece into a round 1-inch larger than the Brie. Using a paring knife, cut several leaves or other decorative shapes from the pastry scraps. Place 1 piece of pastry on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.

Cut the Brie in 1/2 horizontally and lay 1 piece in the center of the pastry sheet, cut side up. Spread the cooled crabmeat mixture over the cut Brie and top with the remaining Brie 1/2, gently pushing the 2 halves together.

Paint the edges of the bottom piece of pastry with the egg wash. Top the cheese with the remaining pastry sheet, pinching the edges together to seal. Paint the top pastry lightly with the egg wash, being careful not to let any drip down the sides. Arrange the decorative leaves on top, and lightly paint with egg wash. Bake until the pastry is puffed and golden brown, about 20 minutes. Remove from the oven.

Line a platter with the watercress and place the baked brie on top. Let sit for 5 minutes. Surround with toast points and serve.

Shopping for Toiletries!!

Dear People,

Berlin.

My first day without help, I found myself in the most humiliating situation imaginable: In the bathroom without toilet paper.

Yes. Now I am divulging my deepest secrets.

I won't go into details, but I found myself without any help. I screamed, and no one was there. I won't go into how I got out of this situation, but I did. So I took stock of what I needed for the bathroom and decided that I needed to go shopping immediately.

In a droggerie I found myself. And with luck I immediately found the toilet paper. I thought - ok. I will just buy that. One thing at a time. And toothpaste. I can manage toothpaste.

So I picked up a giant pack of toilet paper. I didn't know what brand I should purchase. There were many - I was just hoping that it was a quality product. It was covered in plastic wrap, therefore I couldn't feel it.

Anyhow. With my "toilet paper" in hand.... I hate that phrase. Even "bathroom tissue" implies what its use is. But with toilet paper in hand, I walked to the cash register. I started to hyperventilate. For some reason I just thought that everyone was looking at me and what I was about to buy. People buy toilet paper for only one reason - and no one should really be confronted with that reason. "Oh look, what he's about to do!"

I thought to myself: Ok. People buy this everyday, I'm sure. It's a necessity. But come on. I know that if I saw someone walking down the street with a package of toilet paper - I would laugh. I don't need to know that someone is in need of toilet paper.. Ugh.

But just then - I saw another woman walking out of the store with her package of toilet paper. She didn't seem to be embarrassed at all. I guess she does it all the time, I don't know. She looked silly, but hey.

I took a deep breath. Held my head very high, and walked right to the counter. The woman scanned my toilet paper and toothpaste and told me the price. I don't remember how much it was. But I told her to keep the change and I walked briskly out of the store. Outside, I did my best to hide this giant bag and I was fuming. Can they not make the packaging more discreet? Why does it have to be in clear plastic? That's just revolting. Fortunately my car was double parked outside of the door of the establishment and I didn't have to go far.

So that was day one of shopping. I got home and managed to unpack to the toilet paper and toothpaste myself. I put the roll on the toilet paper stand - stood back, and admired what I had done. Bravo. I read one time that - you really appreciate things when you do them yourself. And you know what? I believe it.

I saw many items at this store that I wouldn't want to have to purchase myself. Tampons in particular. Can you imagine? That just says to everyone around you: I am bleeding and need this product to make it stop. Or even mouth wash. I use it - but I've never bought it. I can imagine the cashier woman would think "He must have horrible breath. How embarrassing.".. I don't know.

Yes, you can accuse me of perhaps living in a bubble. But I'm breaking out! Next time I going to bring some friends with me and we can try shopping for these things together! Donatella - you're coming with me!! And let's make it around the 10th of the month!!!! Haha...

Goodbye, Magnolia...

Wow. That was fast.

I had to let Magnolia go. When I first got her, I thought, "Hey. This will be great. She will keep me entertained, bla bla bla... I will have so many amusing and wonderful stories to tell.. bla bla bla..."

But I have to admit, that this woman was just.. well, a bitch.

I understand that I am famous for my "Unglück" with help, but this is just ridiculous.

I remember, as a little boy, reading that one day we will all have robots for servants. I dreamed of the day when my first one would glide through my doors. But what is it now? 2010? If ever I needed a robot, it would be now. I don't understand it: What are all the scientists doing with their time? I believe my taxes pay for them, don't they? Not only that, but in about seven different countries where I am resident!

I cannot be that difficult to get along with. There is just no way.

I have never hit a servant. I've seen Princess Letizia of Spain hit hers several times - yet she says they're like siblings to her...? (Sorry if that's personal Letizia) I want that.

Maybe because I'm not a Princess? I don't know. I cannot help it if the Holy Roman Empire was dissolved. I wasn't there. It was not my doing. I don't have a time machine to go back and change that. (All my money to the scientist who can help me with that one.)

So what happened with Magnolia? She told me that I "have issues." I made a racial comment, which, perhaps I regret (It was supposed to be funny). She threatened to sue me and I went through my same old routine.. I sighed, and then I showed her the confidentiality statement she signed that included a clause where she COULDN'T sue me, and I told her to call my office for a plane ticket home.

AND then I did something I almost rarely do: I got choked up. I almost had a tear in my eye. I could feel it coming and I thought "Come on! Come on!"... (I wanted to experience it).. But it never came. It felt like it almost did, which I thought was an emotional and physiological breakthrough. Afterwards I became angry that I couldn't cry. Perhaps violent. I don't know because I blacked out after throwing something - something Limoges - against my reflection in a mirror. I feel awful about that - As I really adore Limoges.

However. This is what I decided. I will go - for the time being. I don't know what "the time being" is. But I will go WITHOUT help. I am going to do everything! I will shop! I will cook! I will wake myself up! I will do everything. Everything except clean! And I will do it with grace and dignity.

...In the meantime. Stay tuned for more advice, and recipes. I forgot I wanted to include recipes. And keep the questions coming! I had so many good ones printed out - but that was when I had that Japanese boy and he lost just about everything.

She's not my Mammy

Dear Franz,

I heard you have a Mammy. LOL

I know who wrote that and I will not give you the satisfaction of having your name on my column. LOL yourself.

To address this, I have been getting a lot of heat lately about my choice of a maid. And now I must defend myself and say, however cliché it may sound that I am not racist! I have simply followed a childhood dream; something that many people simply never do, and are therefore jealous.

You see, ever since I saw Gone With the Wind as a child, I wanted a house full of black servants. I know that may sound bad, but it's not. I remember my mother saying the same things to me. "Franz - they are slaves. Slavery is revolting."

I know. I'm not stupid. Even as a child I knew that slavery was revolting. I said that. "But I want to pay them! Why can't we get rid of Frau Schumer and Jeeves - and get people like Mammy and Uncle Peter?

Mother just rolled her eyes and took a drink from Jeeves' tray. I didn't know he was standing right next to her.

But I think everyone must think that when they read or see Gone with the Wind. Everyone wants someone like Mammy. Even someone amusing like Prissy (who always is messing something up!), seems like fun to have around.

You see, people like our old Jeeves and Frau Schumer (who's STILL around)... it was always if they were afraid of me. Mammy on the other hand, gives her honest opinion. Wether one likes it or not.

SO one day, I became brave, and at great expense - I hired someone to bring me someone like Mammy back to Vienna. The criteria wee that she must have domestic experience, be very confident, and finally, extremely overweight and black.

(Ok. Now that I'm writing about this, Donatella - I'm beginning to see what you mean. It gets worse LOL)

When she arrived I asked her what her name was and she said "Barb". I paused for a minute and then I asked her if I could call her Magnolia. A name I had given a lot of thought to. It sounds as though it would be from the American South, yet sturdy, and very strong. She looked at me as if I were crazy. I told her that every one here has "nicknames" - which I don't know if it's true or not. Most people in my circles have a "Jeeves", and they can't all be really named that. Who would name their child that?

I don't remember what she answered, but now I call her Magnolia. I hope that's not what has set off her temper, because this woman is MEAN. Be careful what you wish for right? LOL. I wanted someone to take care of me and "tell it like it is".. But I would say her insults are little harsher than I remember in Gone with the Wind. Even dubbed in German, Mammy in Vom Winde Verweht isn't that strong.

I heard her say the other day, "Move yo faggotty ass and get your own damn martini. It's right over there.".. And then something about her being a Christian and alcohol. I was shocked. I have never been talked to that way before. Was this what I wanted? I don't know. I would've called the police on Frau Schumer. Or at least had her punished.

So at this time we're getting acquainted with one another. We'll see how it goes. I paid so much money and everyone is doubting me, I have to see this through!

And no. She does not have a rag on her head. She won't wear it. I told her it was custom made, but she doesn't care. "Isn't it bad enough that you changed my name to Magnolia?".. I don't know why that is such a big deal. Really I don't.

Fergie is OK.

Dear Franz,

Are you friends with Sarah Ferguson? What is up with her? Please give us some "Inside Scoop" on her.

Well let me tell you. You've come to the right person. She's absolutely fine! Yes, she had that horribly embarrassing video where she was in the hotel room trying to sell access to Andrew. Yes. But really - what was wrong with that?

Why should she give away access to her ex husband? That makes no sense to me. If someone wants to give her 500,000 pounds to set up a meeting with her ex - who cares? To me, the desperate ones were the ones willing to pay so much. Don't you agree? The only tragedy was this grainy video. ANYONE looks bad, smoking a cigarette in a hotel room on a grainy video. That's all there is to it. Sitting open legged didn't help matters, and I told her that flat out.

Sarah is a dear friend of mine. She's the one of the only persons I have genuine fun with to "slum it".. That to us is boozing it up at parties in Hollywood and/or New York. I hate to use such a cliché, but you know - "new money". It's always the same! It's true!

Sarah is a good time girl, yes. She panders, sometime, I know. But good for her, I say, because people always take the bait. And she knows what she's doing. I think.

Next month we're going to a party in "East Hampton" together. These people are starved for the likes of her (and yours truly). Some in our circles decry socializing with these people. But I think it's kind. And whilst we may not be King and Queen, you would think that we were - the way we strike awe/fear in these people. We get such a kick out of it - it's quite fun, and perfectly harmless. Every time we're in "The Hamptons" - people there are trying to tell us how old it is, and historic and exclusive. We just nod our heads and try to contain our laughter. We absolutely cannot look at each other.

So Sarah! Bon Courage! Alles wird schön! We see each other next month in "The Hamptons".

P.S. Sorry about the photo Sarah. But you have to admit it's funny!:)