"Weighty" Wedding Issues - pfft.

Dear Franz,

I'm having a serious dilemma with my mother and sister. My wedding is coming up, and my dress is on order. I was sized properly and am the same size as when I ordered it, though I can't convince my family that it will fit, or that I'll look good in it.

My mother has been vocal about my 'being heavy' since I was a teenager. She insists I'm 'not healthy' though I try to convince her I am, and she doesn't see how well I eat, or hear what my doctor says about my stats being fine. True, I am overweight, but I'm in good health and my fiancé loves me and appreciates me just as I am.

My sister was the peace-keeper for a while, but recently she lost weight and it's changed her perception of my weight. She insists I can't possibly be happy at my size because she wasn't. They cannot get past my reasoning, and insist that I can't 'feel fine with myself' because I'm not a few sizes smaller.

I'm extremely sensitive about this, probably because I've been dealing with it for so many years, but I just can't bring myself to be snide to my family. I consider myself to be very modest, nd have chosen a dress accordingly, so I can't figure out what the problem is.

I don't want them to come with me to my dress fitting because of their looks and comments, but my sister is my matron of honor. How can I help them see that I'm perfectly happy, and that my size is no one else's concern?

Dear Bride to Be,

I hate to be harsh, but I'm writing this answer because I want everybody to see what kind of questions I get all the time. And why it's hard for me to keep this thing up. Really, the answer to this question can be answered by saying:

Who cares?

But really. I know that's not the answer you were looking for. And for me to say "Mother is always right" doesn't help either. Because mother is never right almost. At least mine wasn't. I can't believe she was actually my mother. But anyhow, in this case - your mother is right. Because the truth only hurts when it hits home. If you were thin and beautiful, you would just laugh all of that nagging off. Right?

The truth is this: One is either thin or one is fat. I mean, as far as I know. Well, there is the category of "morbidly obese" (that phrase make me gag). So either you are thin and have no problem, or I could come over there and grab a chunk from your midsection. There is also a self test you can do at home: Lift up your top and try to grab a chunk of your midsection. If your hands are full of lard covered in human skin, then you need help. (See some of my early columns for "mega" weight loss tips!). Otherwise, who cares. Enjoy your special day!

P.S. BONUS ADVICE: I knew a bride who wasn't satisfied with her dress either. I told her about an old saying I heard: "Drink Gin, Feel Thin".. I don't know the science behind it, but it seems to work. So she had several before walking down the aisle and was fine. She seemed to be having a good time too. I sent the phrase to her later, monogrammed on a pillow as a gift.