The Von Merzenburg Fund for New Initiatives

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

THIS WOMAN IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH HER STEPSON!!

Dear Franz,

I married “Raymond” in 2004.I met his son, “Bill,”a year before the wedding and have been in a relationship with him ever since. (He’s married.)

Raymond provides all the necessities —house, car, food, clothes, etc. But Bill supports me emotionally.

I have learned that marriages dissolve for one of two reasons: money or sex. The money is there, but Raymond and I are no longer romantic.

Am I walking into a ring of fire by keeping the relationship with Bill? Ray says he loves me and cares about me, but only when I ask how he feels about me. With Bill, I don’t have to ask—he says it.



Are you walking into a ring of fire??! Is that a serious question?

You're a filthy whore who already has her place in hell secured. Believe me. You'll definitely be in that ring of fire for all eternity - simply for grossing out me and all my readers.

Reading your letter gave me the creeps - to put it mildly, so I can't imagine what your husband will go through when he finds out. And he will! It really doesn't matter that Bill says he loves you. What's important is is that you're a whore and a slut who is really going to have be put through the ringer when everyone finds out about this. And let me tell you - "Bill's" love will not provide you any comfort when people are shouting out "whore" "skank" and "slut" as you walk through Wal-mart.

You will rue the day you got yourself in this mess.

So what's the solution?

First of all - do NOT kill either of them. It will just make things worse, and you'll end up in prison. Though you should be in some kind of prison right now. I know what's on your mind right now - and since you have no morals, I have to warn you - don't do it!

Second - divorce "Raymond QUIETLY as possible.
Third - end it with Bill. Not third, but immediately.
Fourth - immediately find a new husband to associate yourself with someone else. As soon as possible.
Finally - deny everything that happened. Until the day you die. At least it gives you the appearance of a little shame.

Ugh...

Ewww!!

Monday, December 5, 2011

YOU MUSN'T SAY 'THANK YOU' YOURSELF!


Dear Franz,

My Husband does not write anybody any time for anything. I gave him a 53rd birthday party with 30 guests attending and wonderful gifts. He refuses to write them thank you cards and said if I want to send them do it myself!!!

Please help... Should I write them and sign his name? I really so feel like it is not my responsibility. Not my birthday, not my gifts??? I need your omnipotent knowledge! We have been married 18 months!




As far as I'm concerned, your husband's secretary should be taking care of that mess. I've never written a thank you card personally, but they're always received!

I asked for an example of my "thank you" notes, and it turns out I have different ones for different things. One for "gifts" and one for "donations in my name." I think that's it. But it's written in third person in both German AND English, "The Duke of Merzebnurg thanks you for his gift.." Blah blah blah.. I don't think anybody actually reads them, but it's the thought that counts.

So why not have your printer have some engraved in the third person and neither you nor your husband will have to worry about it.

One special touch people enjoy (or rather I assume they enjoy) is when a personal photograph is added to the note - for example, a photo of your last portrait. It's something they can treasure and it makes them feel special - a special "treat" for their gift they've given.