IT'S MY PODCAST AGAIN....

Hello.

Here is a link to my podcast on iTunes. Isn't that fantastic? It's the one I almost died trying to create. However - it's now available now so that you can listen to it on your iPod over, and over and over again.

I know you will want to!

I hope that I can handle being a recording star. I've tried my best to stay out of the limelight in the past. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to avoid it!

But I think that's something that I'm prepared for. I really do. As far as I can remember I never had any problems. Even when I was a young boy, going through the crowds on my way into Studio 54.

So let me know if there's anything you'd like to hear in future podcasts! I've already heard from many of you, who would like me to sing a song at the end of each show. I think that's a really brilliant idea! Perhaps I will hire someone to think up an act for me. Hopefully, the next episode will feature my beautiful singing voice!

I already have ideas for songs - so get ready!


P.S. Here is a link to my ebook - available for 2.99 at Amazon.com! This postscript will remain until the original 2.000.000 copies that were digitally produced have been sold.

MY PODCAST!!

My first show is here too!

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MIAMI!

O Let me tell you the worst story. I was nearly assassinated!!

I've been in Miami. I'm not anymore, but that's where I was. The humidity was too much for me. I thought someone was choking me. I've never experienced that there before - even in Miami. Or have I become weak?

However.

When I was there, I had my assistant take me to a recording studio to record a Podcast for you. He said that it wasn't necessary to go to a recording studio, but I didn't care. I loved it. It was much better that I had headphones on and I could see the big "ON THE AIR" sign lit up. I've always wanted to be on the Radio. And now I have been! Only it will be online instead.

However.

As we were about to leave the studio there was what is called "a drive-by shooting." I had never experienced that before! We were about to leave the studio, I was about to walk out the door, and the Black American man who was opening the door for us suddenly pushed me to the side, away from the door. I hit the wall quite hard! I was stunned! Who would dare do this to me and why? At this moment in time, I thought I heard machine gun fire. Or something like that. In my memory it will always be machine gun fire. It was like a movie. I tell you.

Anyhow yes - it was a drive-by shooting. And I could've been assassinated! Though now, I feel like I'm really a "Gansta" now! Isn't that outrageous? People are really going to get a kick out of it when I tell them.

I was ABOUT to fire my assistant for finding this recording studio in the middle of "the ghetto," but he was crying so hard and so loudly that I couldn't really do it. He is still in my employment. Can you believe that?

But now, think about what I go through for YOU. My reader. Soon to be my listener. Haha! I put my life on the line for you! On the next day after the attempt on my life, I realized that I should have thanked the man who pushed me away from the door - but then I thought that he could've had something to do with the whole mess - like drugs - and I thought I better not get myself involved.

I will definitely be taking a little vacation now to recover! I will be taking one of my own tips from me book, and asking my friends who sets sail this week. I'm first onboard - I deserve it!

IT'S HERE!

Applause for me!


It's here:

That's right. My new book is available now for YOU, the reader - and it's on Amazon. It's ready for your Kindle or iPad or whatever! Who cares as long as you buy it and learn from it. That's what's important.

My goal now is this: to sell 2,000,000 copies by August 1st!

If everyone tells 1000 friends - then together we'll reach this goal before we know it! Won't that be fun?

I just know it will be. So don't forget to tell your 1000 friends and buy it today! I look forward to hearing your reaction too. My new assistant Ute is already busy getting your letters together for a sequel. But we'll see first... I need to go on a couple of Sleep Cures before I even think about doing that. But I can't ignore your cries for help forever - so... We'll see...

In the meantime! I'll see YOU at Amazon.com!

TODAY!

Dear Readers,

A couple of things you've been screaming at me to address:

No I wasn't at Ascot this year! People have been looking for pictures of me, but they don't exist! I just forgot about it. I've been so busy planning my party today, that I forgot.

I don't go every year either. Oftentimes I forget even without a reason! Does that ever happen to you? You decide to stay in bed all week with a little champagne - then you wake up and someone tells you that you've missed absolutely everything! Haha.....

But of course I haven't been sleeping as you know. I've been preparing, just for YOU! Yes, my book release party is tonight and I've told you that I've hired eight ships to parade down the river Spree this evening! It should be grand. I cannot wait.

The only thing left to rely on right now is that the Lord Jesus Christ makes the clouds disappear for the event! I want some sunshine! So Heilige Maria - BVM! If you're reading this - which I know you are! Please intercede for my event! Natürlich you both are invited as well.

Come rain or shine, I'll be sure to have pictures put online of this event! Of course. And one more thing - let's make sure that my assistant Max stays employed at least over the next couple weeks. I cannot go without someone during this time - and he seems like he's on the verge of saying "Tschußi" to me.

Other than that - I haven't eaten this week, so I'm rather weak and need to take my nap now. But don't worry - when I wake up I'm going to TEAR UP some foie gras and deviled eggs! I need to strengthen myself for the party! There's a LOT of Champagne to go through and I can't wait!!

RELEASE PARTY

O Dear Readers,

I just reprimanded my new assistant Max for not updating the website. But I must say that he's been so busy working on the new eBook, that it the only excuse I can give.

And yes, I had to fire my assistant, the girl - in the middle of the editing process, so Max has had quite a bit of catching up to do. There was another girl in between her and Max, but she only lasted one day.

HOWEVER. I must tell you that since the eBook will be published this week - I've decided to throw a party! A real super party too! I will be in Berlin for the event. And I've rented out EIGHT ships to take a tour up and down the River Spree. When will it be? It will be this Thursday! I am so looking forward to it. I tell you!

Can you imagine the eight ships? Each will a different theme and different hosts. And I've ordered different colored POM POMS for each of the ships to cheer me on as I pass! This was Princess Maxima's idea. I hate to say that it wasn't mine!! :)

So let us pray together that the weather will become nice, as everything has been already paid for! I will take lots of pictures, I tell you! You will see them, I'm sure.

In the meantime, I am making use of the Wellness area at Merzenburg Palace to get ready for the party. Won't you join me? Just kidding! But I wish you will join me Thursday. I've already given away the hundreds of tickets - but at the end of boat ride, there will be a welcome party for me in front of the O2 Arena in Berlin. I hate this building, but it's convenient to the ship tour and can host tons of you there!

It'll be... Grand!

See you there. Bis bald!

Please Give

I've gotten millions of requests from people about where to send money for all the causes that I fight for. I work with the Donate Your Money Foundation, and I know first hand that they're the only ones who are active in the fight for AID (Alcohol Ingestive Disorder) and FBS (Female Beard Syndrome).

Right now they're working on a new initiative. It's called "Mifepristone For All". The MFA goal is to make Mifepristone (RU-486) much more widely available. Hopefully they'll succeed and we'll see Mifepristone next to the chewing gum at gas stations and supermarkets. I heard about this and I thought, great! But why not take it one step further? Why not make Mifepristone chewing gum or 'beef jerky?'

Maybe one day that will be the reality. But right now it isn't. Why not make a donation to Donate Your Money Foundation and hopefully, together we can make a difference!


Donate Your Money Foundation


P.S. The photo session with Cindy Sherman for the book cover must be re-done. I wanted a photo of myself lying on a linoleum floor like the photo that just sold for 3.2 million, and that's what I got. And it's good. I'm sure it'll go for millions, but it's not what I want for a book cover. I need to stick to the black turtleneck/black background I've been doing since I was a baby.........