Dear Franz,
I am frequently walking down an aisle in a crowded restaurant or on a deck of a cruise ship, when a waiter is approaching carrying a heavy tray of drinks or dishes.
Should I step aside and let them go by, as they are carrying such a heavy load, or should I continue on and have them step aside? Although I am the guest, their task would appear to be much easier if I let them pass.
I had to think about, because I don't know when the last time I've crossed this problem. I would say in New York. It sounds likely. But what to do? I did trip a waiter one time. And that was ONLY because he didn't seem like he was going to let me through, and as one who doesn't like to make a scene, I did what I thought I had to do. I remember this waiter now, and I remember that was another reason to trip him: I didn't like the expression on his face. I remember thinking as I scrambled to avoid flying champagne cocktails, I was doing many people a favor. The idea was so that he would not do that again and hopefully he would tell other waiters not to do that either. So I'm sorry that that happened to you. Do you live in New York? Did you know that in New York and in the rest of the USA - one requires no certificate to be a waiter? Anyone can do it! And these are the people who are responsible for bringing us our food! If I were you, I would ask your congressman or woman if there's anything they can do about. They are your representatives in government and should be there to help you.
When I was living in New York I was more active in petitioning the mayor to arrest people for walking on their left on the sidewalks. I hope this problem had been corrected? I would ask my friend Donatella, who was there last week, but I know she prefers to be carried.
Anyway. I do hope I've helped!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Ewwww.
Dear Miss Manners: At the DMV for an extended wait to renew my license, I was reading my book and eating the sunflower seeds I brought to occupy my time.
Suddenly, a person from the row behind me (a person I had neither seen nor spoken to prior) taps me on the shoulder and says, “Can I have some of those?”
I shook my head, “No.” Frankly I felt that person had “overstepped.”
I seem to be the only one not horrified by my response . . . Was I wrong? Is there no boundary to sharing?
Had I been in a conversation with or sitting next to the person, I might have offered the food on my own. I may have felt more compelled to “share” if asked to do so, but it seemed rude to me for a total stranger to approach me from behind and request some of my food!
Dear Driver,
That is disgusting! I can't believe anyone eats sunflower seeds in public. I'm sure the person - and I'm sure of this - the person was just trying to draw your attention to the fact that you were eating sunflower seeds - in public! It was sarcasm. ... And I love how you call the sunflower seeds "your food." They're seeds, dummy.
Also, let me tell you too about the DMV. When I lived in New York I had to go there. This was years ago. For some reason they wouldn't let me submit my own, professionally taken portrait. Robert Mapplethorpe took it, as a matter of fact! Anyhow, I went in there and there was an enormous line. I just laughed. I thought "You must be kidding me." Why would anyone in their right mind stand in line at a dump like that? It was nasty and it wasn't worth it. I thought to myself, "You know, I'm just going to take my chances." And I did. I thought - if I get caught - I'll just get out of it. But I never did get caught. I'd even thought of what I would say to the police man who would pull me over: That my father owns Italian race cars! He did at the time, too. To me it says "He must know a thing or two about cars." Which I don't. But I would think that it qualify me to drive a small Porsche from here to there.
Anyhow. That's how I avoided the DMV. It might be worth it to take your chances and just not go. And now I'm extra glad I did. I cannot imagine standing next to someone for over an hour while they stood there and chomped up and down on sunflower seeds! It sounds like a true, living, nightmare!
Suddenly, a person from the row behind me (a person I had neither seen nor spoken to prior) taps me on the shoulder and says, “Can I have some of those?”
I shook my head, “No.” Frankly I felt that person had “overstepped.”
I seem to be the only one not horrified by my response . . . Was I wrong? Is there no boundary to sharing?
Had I been in a conversation with or sitting next to the person, I might have offered the food on my own. I may have felt more compelled to “share” if asked to do so, but it seemed rude to me for a total stranger to approach me from behind and request some of my food!
Dear Driver,
That is disgusting! I can't believe anyone eats sunflower seeds in public. I'm sure the person - and I'm sure of this - the person was just trying to draw your attention to the fact that you were eating sunflower seeds - in public! It was sarcasm. ... And I love how you call the sunflower seeds "your food." They're seeds, dummy.
Also, let me tell you too about the DMV. When I lived in New York I had to go there. This was years ago. For some reason they wouldn't let me submit my own, professionally taken portrait. Robert Mapplethorpe took it, as a matter of fact! Anyhow, I went in there and there was an enormous line. I just laughed. I thought "You must be kidding me." Why would anyone in their right mind stand in line at a dump like that? It was nasty and it wasn't worth it. I thought to myself, "You know, I'm just going to take my chances." And I did. I thought - if I get caught - I'll just get out of it. But I never did get caught. I'd even thought of what I would say to the police man who would pull me over: That my father owns Italian race cars! He did at the time, too. To me it says "He must know a thing or two about cars." Which I don't. But I would think that it qualify me to drive a small Porsche from here to there.
Anyhow. That's how I avoided the DMV. It might be worth it to take your chances and just not go. And now I'm extra glad I did. I cannot imagine standing next to someone for over an hour while they stood there and chomped up and down on sunflower seeds! It sounds like a true, living, nightmare!
"Weighty" Wedding Issues - pfft.
Dear Franz,
I'm having a serious dilemma with my mother and sister. My wedding is coming up, and my dress is on order. I was sized properly and am the same size as when I ordered it, though I can't convince my family that it will fit, or that I'll look good in it.
My mother has been vocal about my 'being heavy' since I was a teenager. She insists I'm 'not healthy' though I try to convince her I am, and she doesn't see how well I eat, or hear what my doctor says about my stats being fine. True, I am overweight, but I'm in good health and my fiancé loves me and appreciates me just as I am.
My sister was the peace-keeper for a while, but recently she lost weight and it's changed her perception of my weight. She insists I can't possibly be happy at my size because she wasn't. They cannot get past my reasoning, and insist that I can't 'feel fine with myself' because I'm not a few sizes smaller.
I'm extremely sensitive about this, probably because I've been dealing with it for so many years, but I just can't bring myself to be snide to my family. I consider myself to be very modest, nd have chosen a dress accordingly, so I can't figure out what the problem is.
I don't want them to come with me to my dress fitting because of their looks and comments, but my sister is my matron of honor. How can I help them see that I'm perfectly happy, and that my size is no one else's concern?
Dear Bride to Be,
I hate to be harsh, but I'm writing this answer because I want everybody to see what kind of questions I get all the time. And why it's hard for me to keep this thing up. Really, the answer to this question can be answered by saying:
Who cares?
But really. I know that's not the answer you were looking for. And for me to say "Mother is always right" doesn't help either. Because mother is never right almost. At least mine wasn't. I can't believe she was actually my mother. But anyhow, in this case - your mother is right. Because the truth only hurts when it hits home. If you were thin and beautiful, you would just laugh all of that nagging off. Right?
The truth is this: One is either thin or one is fat. I mean, as far as I know. Well, there is the category of "morbidly obese" (that phrase make me gag). So either you are thin and have no problem, or I could come over there and grab a chunk from your midsection. There is also a self test you can do at home: Lift up your top and try to grab a chunk of your midsection. If your hands are full of lard covered in human skin, then you need help. (See some of my early columns for "mega" weight loss tips!). Otherwise, who cares. Enjoy your special day!
P.S. BONUS ADVICE: I knew a bride who wasn't satisfied with her dress either. I told her about an old saying I heard: "Drink Gin, Feel Thin".. I don't know the science behind it, but it seems to work. So she had several before walking down the aisle and was fine. She seemed to be having a good time too. I sent the phrase to her later, monogrammed on a pillow as a gift.
I'm having a serious dilemma with my mother and sister. My wedding is coming up, and my dress is on order. I was sized properly and am the same size as when I ordered it, though I can't convince my family that it will fit, or that I'll look good in it.
My mother has been vocal about my 'being heavy' since I was a teenager. She insists I'm 'not healthy' though I try to convince her I am, and she doesn't see how well I eat, or hear what my doctor says about my stats being fine. True, I am overweight, but I'm in good health and my fiancé loves me and appreciates me just as I am.
My sister was the peace-keeper for a while, but recently she lost weight and it's changed her perception of my weight. She insists I can't possibly be happy at my size because she wasn't. They cannot get past my reasoning, and insist that I can't 'feel fine with myself' because I'm not a few sizes smaller.
I'm extremely sensitive about this, probably because I've been dealing with it for so many years, but I just can't bring myself to be snide to my family. I consider myself to be very modest, nd have chosen a dress accordingly, so I can't figure out what the problem is.
I don't want them to come with me to my dress fitting because of their looks and comments, but my sister is my matron of honor. How can I help them see that I'm perfectly happy, and that my size is no one else's concern?
Dear Bride to Be,
I hate to be harsh, but I'm writing this answer because I want everybody to see what kind of questions I get all the time. And why it's hard for me to keep this thing up. Really, the answer to this question can be answered by saying:
Who cares?
But really. I know that's not the answer you were looking for. And for me to say "Mother is always right" doesn't help either. Because mother is never right almost. At least mine wasn't. I can't believe she was actually my mother. But anyhow, in this case - your mother is right. Because the truth only hurts when it hits home. If you were thin and beautiful, you would just laugh all of that nagging off. Right?
The truth is this: One is either thin or one is fat. I mean, as far as I know. Well, there is the category of "morbidly obese" (that phrase make me gag). So either you are thin and have no problem, or I could come over there and grab a chunk from your midsection. There is also a self test you can do at home: Lift up your top and try to grab a chunk of your midsection. If your hands are full of lard covered in human skin, then you need help. (See some of my early columns for "mega" weight loss tips!). Otherwise, who cares. Enjoy your special day!
P.S. BONUS ADVICE: I knew a bride who wasn't satisfied with her dress either. I told her about an old saying I heard: "Drink Gin, Feel Thin".. I don't know the science behind it, but it seems to work. So she had several before walking down the aisle and was fine. She seemed to be having a good time too. I sent the phrase to her later, monogrammed on a pillow as a gift.
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